It’s been a while, a long while.
Two jobs, no energy and a plan for a future that seems so very far away not to mention the mundane tasks of the day to day seem to have squashed any creative outlet I have, or at least minimised my attention span to only 2 hours of painting a night.
I like to think this is the beginning of a fresh start creatively, but lets be serious… The next 3 months are going to hold a fair few changes and whether that’s for the better or not, it will take its toll, and the need to share my work is becoming much less of an interest to me.
I’ve gone completely dead on social media, I found it too hard on my mental attitude to my work for a little while, the panic of painting something in time to post it at the correct time (because obviously less that 50 likes is a sin) and gain a weird kind of gratification from 20 ‘likes’ seems so bizarre. Obviously every artist, baker, musician and selfie fanatic wants someone to say how great their over filtered image looks, but what does that really translate into? It’s just like the strange joy you get out of buying something you neither need nor can afford, or the giddy high from telling people about a major ‘success’ in your life giving you a strange sense of betterment than others… it’s a temporary fix to distract from the grafting you aren’t actually doing.. it’s a filtered reality that no one actually measures up to.
I find myself struggling with online presence, in such a huge oversaturated place it seems impossible to not be similar to someone else, compared to someone else, or be reminded you aren’t as ‘good’ as someone else. It seems so hard not to slip into negativity, to ponder on all the negatives as opposed to all the positive things that surround us especially in this day and age everything is so… superficial.
I think a positive outlook should be the little things first, one step at a time, no matter how small. Just like everyone, I’m trying to find my way.
“Thinking Positive Isn’t About Expecting The Best To Happen Every Time But Accepting That Whatever Happens Is The Best For The Moment”
– Krushna Kotgire